Monday, August 31, 2009

our weekend, in too many words

from the outside looking in, our weekend didn't look much like a rollercoaster at all.  but somewhere in between our date night, saturday afternoon run, pool time, an 8 hour saturday shift, church & a marathon of the west wing, this weekend was a pretty touch and go.

friday was very nice.  after ross woke me up from a lazy afternoon nap with three beautiful roses, we had another sweet date night which included a homemade version of our favorite sandwhich from a much missed waco restaurant: the george's southside chicken sandwhich. whole-wheat buns, grilled chicken, & homemade guacamole made this meal cheap, easy, healthy and good (even better than the real-deal!).  not to mention pretty. 

afterwards we saw julie & julia. ummmm a movie about blogging, france, food & love...pure joy. {ross even laughed out loud on more than one occasion} the true story showcases that hard work & determination necessary to pursuing your dreams and basically saving your own life, all the while putting your love and marriage first. and the question kept persisting in my head: what is my calling? why aren't i working towards it? what am i doing with my life?

so, saturday afternoon ross & i took advantage of the less hot weather and went for a run around the a&m campus...until i broke down crying. after complaining about nonsense ("i hate this campus! it's the ugliest thing i've ever seen! [which for the record- it really is) i finally opened up with ross & shared some of the pain i've been dealing with.  mostly, missing baylor & my amazing community there in conjunction with feeling lost & lonely.  so he held me & listened, and then prayed for me.  

once again, God answered our prayers and comforted us.  sunday we went back to grace bible church, and at one point in the message the preacher proclaimed: "i am my own worst enemy. everyday i wake up and all i think is me me me." how comforting to know i'm not the only one.

he later went on to talk about the importance of serving God's kingdom.  i was reminded of the fact that always seems to escape me when i'm swimming in self-pity: our purpose here on earth is to love and serve God and our neighbors, and to expand the kingdom here on earth. what else matters outside of that? no matter what job i have in whatever city, this one true calling will remain the same. 

when gratitude dissolves for the job He provided, i quickly become unhappy in my work.  but in many ways, it doesn't matter what our job is or where we live.  when i am intentional through His grace, i can see the impact He can have on people through the silly job of a not yet skilled barista.  the best part of work happens when a connection forms, fosters conversation, and produces a smile...a brief linking of souls in a ugly world, sharing for a small moment much needed joy and contact, all over a cup of coffee.  because it's not the coffee, it's Him.  

anyway, my main desire to write this post came from a poem that will not get out of my head for weeks.  robert frost's "mending wall," in which the neighbor keeps repeating the phrase, "good fences make good neighbors."  throughout this poem, frosts ironically depicts that relationships cannot be formed when the boundaries are the main focus.  

in a new city (filled with aggies, no less) i'm appreciating more and more the glimpses of vulnerability i see in others.  it's the only way for us to connect, to be neighbors, to be the body of Christ.  it's so comforting to know that we're all struggling, hurting, lost.  but were also persevering, comforting and seeking.  and we can't do it alone.  and we can't do it with fences. 

"rejoice alwasys; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of Christ Jesus for you." 1 thessalonians 5:16-18 

1 comment:

Carrie said...

A&M is really ugly. But if you and Ross get a chance, please walk under the Century Tree. It's where people go with "the one." And it's incredibly peaceful to see two people who are obviously in love walk under it together.

See me soon. I'm so sorry you're struggling. Let me help!


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