Welcome to Holland

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

heartbeat of madrid

clicking boots on cobblestone

metro swooshing by

sipping sangria, puffing smoke

dancing through the night

spanish rolling off the tongue

paella, tortilla, y jambon

sunny mornings, bright street lights

life floating in the air

floating, floating, floating

like a dream we're floating

moving through

picasso's masterpiece

glowing

lovers kissing lovers

the beating heart of madrid.

we fell in loveeee with madrid and had the most incredible week.

we felt very blessed to get to spend time with my best friend in such a remarkable city,

and for the chance to get to know her true love!

thank you smiller for sharing your city with us- can't wait to stay with you again!!

sun & light

{weheartit}

"one day the sun admitted, 

i am just a shadow, i wish i could show you 

the infinite incandescence that has cast my brilliant image! 

i wish i could show you, 

when you are lonely or in darkness, 

the astonishing light of your own being." 

-hafiz

rain

it started raining a few minutes ago, so ross & i came out to our porch.  though there isn't much of 'a view,' there is a thick cluster of trees on the other side of the fence which guards our complex.  there's nothing like the breeze and smell that comes with the rain.  so natural, so refreshing.  the wind wisps hairs across my face & lighting tries to make us jump. there it goes again.

yesterday ross & i listened to a matt chandler sermon. he related the helplessness of babies to our present dependence on God.  a dependence he thoughtfully crafted and we try to ignore.  we fill ourselves up with clothes, hobbies, satisfaction from relationships or our jobs, but they all leave us empty.  if a newborn is left alone for just a couple of days, he will surely die.  he cannot survive on his own.  likewise, we are completely helpless and whether we acknowledge it or not, our souls scream out for His protection, teachings, comfort, love.

it's nice sitting out here while the raindrops clomp and splash all around us; the roof, the pavement, and the guardrail of our tiny porch.  books to read and chardonnay to melt on our tongues. especially with the view of the trees.  i love the way joyce kilmer so poetically expresses that "only God can make a tree."  but what i'm realizing now is not only is He alone the Creator, but He alone is the sustain-er of life: all life.  A fiercely beautiful and strong oak tree, crafted by Him, will wither away without the gift of life-giving rain.   there is no way for a tree to live without water.  

now maybe it's time to go run around in it. 

trees

I THINK that I shall never see

A poem so lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest 

Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day

And lifts her leafy arms to pray; 

A tree that may in summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain; 

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree." 

{Joyce Kilman, "Trees"}

the red wheelbarrow

The Red Wheelbarrow

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

"According to my ten minute crash course, Carlos wished to break free from the symbolism and complicated forms common during the Victorian period in honor of that which was more direct and realistic. His work was part of the Imagist movement, whose writers favored clarity and precision over allusion and ambiguity.

Given the double talk coming from wall street and the economic powers that be lately, I can't help but think how much America would benefit if those pulling the financial strings would adopt a similar approach."

from my new favorite blog, written by the woman living my dream life.

reading for class

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no, it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his highth be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's c0mpass come;
Lover alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, not no man ever loved.

Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare

missing you

How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December's bareness everywhere!
{William Shakespeare, "Sonnet XCVII"}

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.
{Charles Schulz}

wishing i'd stop missing you.
it's annoying; i need to work on my research paper.
thanks a lot.

spring 2009

{found here}

'Spring 2009'
6 a.m. tomorrow,
for the last time
i register for classes
at Baylor.

'May 2009'
ever lurking
with vigilant watch,
quietly waiting, waiting
to pounce.



the jigs up.
you don't scare me.
i'm ready

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:26-25

embracing fall

"The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on."
- Emily Dickinson


{our roommate + friends thanksgiving feast}


mashed potatoes

{holiday desserts!}


real simple's 5 easy thanksgiving desserts

{fall crafts & decorations}



from m.s. herself

{and leaves are finally falling}


from my weheartit album

interview

a lovely autumn afternoon
pencil skirt and ruffled shirt
interview to be the queen
battle of humility

quite the opportunity

thank you Lord
for being King





(and for not making me "that guy")