forward thinking

it's been a big year for my new little family of two.  in a little over a week it will be our one year anniversary, which is as hard to believe as it is exciting.  we've been so challenged, stretched, humbled, grateful and blessed this year.  when i think about how dramatically different our lives were this year compared to the year before alone, i can't help but feel awe.

friends, though ross and i are still complete beginners at the whole marriage thing, i can't express enough how much love we have for this institution given & ordained by God.  when i think about how ross loves me my throat instantly closes up into that uncomfortable i'm-not-going-to-cry feeling.  i constantly go back to the same insecure-girl thoughts of "why does he love me?" but more questions than that bounce around my mind, like "how does he have to strength to serve me, day after day?" "how is he so quick to forgive?" "how does he choose to love me on the days i fail so miserably at loving him?" marriage is 100% humbling & eye-openeing.  when i look at ross- my heart is moved in a new and powerful way, not because of his imperfect human love, but because of the powerful, heart-stopping, shocking love that Christ has for me.  on my ugliest and darkest days the perfect Christ loves me. and because i'm so dense and forgetful of that fact, he gave ross to me as a daily reminder of the intimate love Christ has for me, for us.  even when ross fails at loving me perfectly, i'm glad of it, because i'm reminded that there is only One who loves fully and flawlessly.

for some reason yesterday ross & i independently had the same thought and shared it with each other when we were hanging out on the porch yesterday afternoon.  we were talking about our upcoming anniversary and all the ups & downs of our first year of marriage, and we both felt that sometimes we dwell in the past just a little too much.

ross admitted that he's all for nostalgia (he's mr. captain-of-the-high-school-football-team, after all. sidenote: i already know he's going to be one of those dad's that makes our kids groan from hearing the same high school/football/college/fraternity stories over and over [but they'll secretly love it, like me]) and i've never lived in the past so much as i have this year.  seriously, i always thought those people who were obsessed with high school were so lame...and then i became one of those people who lamely obsesses about college being the best four years of my life.

obviously, we'll never give up on nostalgia, but as our one year anniversary approaches we're going to try and focus on the next year(s) more than looking back.  we've done plenty of looking back.  it's been a big year, but there is so much more to come.

so, in the spirit of looking forward, here are some of the big upcoming events happening in the pinson family:

* this weekend ross & i will celebrate our one year in dallas!
* on monday, ross leaves for five weeks air force officer training in alabama. welcome back LDR.
* next week i'm heading down to new orleans for the first official tribe (my college community) reunion...and my best friend, my other other half, sarah miller will return from spain. ummmm it makes me want to yell at the top of my longs in the rain on a cliff, garden state style, and that's an understatement.
* on july 12th, i'll be having some long overdue sinus surgery.
* in august, ross will start his second year of medical school & i'll start my full time job! Praise the Lord.

homecoming

dear baylor,

thank you for having your 100th homecoming, and for welcoming me home with blissfully perfect weather for my first time as an alumni. 

dear friends,

thank you for sharing ninfaritas, good talks, baris, and reliving memories.  especially the stories about smiller & jeaux. can't wait to get back to you; you inspire me like nothing else in this world. 

dear smiller, the dude, & wade,

where were you guys this weekend?! o yea, across the oceans living your dreams.  we missed you, and my heart hurt when we drove down 10th street and you weren't there.  but you were alive in every corner & place we went, because you are part of our baylor. 

dear savs,

you made such a beautiful bride! thank you so much for letting ross & i celebrate with you. we're so excited for you! p.s. pat looked crazy handsome in his uniform. 

dear baylor again, 

you are the place where i met ross, fell in love, got engaged & married.  you are the place where i met my best friends, and came alive in a way i never had been before.  you will always be a special, beautiful, irreplaceable home to me.  and if i start to love my new home in college station, thanks in advance for knowing that i'm not replacing you. 

dear ross,

i love you.  thank you for loving me & for being the best husband in the whole world.  

dear blog,

we made it! one whole year! thanks for helping me do something consistently for a whole year. 

a lot has happened- and you caught it all.  here's to another year!

life here; an update

sarah called me today.  

just typing that i get a little choked up.  

she called right as i went on my ten minute break and it was so wonderful and refreshing to hear her voice, even if it was just a short tease.  it's hard when your friends are all far away; especially when your best friend chased down her dream of living in madrid. 

 i've been a little absent from the blogosphere (wow, that's really a word) lately and it's because sometimes talking about what's going on in your life is difficult when your heart is missing the things you aren't doing... namely, living with & close by best friends.  

i miss you so much it hurts, smiller.

  friends, i miss you so much that sometimes i feel like i can't breath.  

ok, enough of the emo drama queen bit.  

life here lately has been good.  we're young and we're just trying to have fun with the stage in our life... even though the transition had bee pretty touch & go.  

ross has been my rock. 

 my silly, cooking, dancing, singing, joking, snuggling, 

hard-working, rock.  

after a loooong day or work & studying, we actually went out

 and had good time.  

this past weekend was especially great, but for some reason i sadly did not take any pictures! chuval stayed with us for three nights, or in her words, "for like eighteen years."  

red beans and rice, tiger football, crafts, shopping, big, rainy weather and lattes made for a fantastic little bryan weekend.  

ross & i even celebrated our 3 month anniversary by seeing the bryan community theaters production of guys and dolls. sooooo good!

 {sit down, you're rockin', rockin' the boat}

it turns out the theatre is tucked right behind the 

golds gym, HEB, and joannes fabric which we always go.  who knew? hidden gems...

lots and lots of rain.  like, almost everyday.  so when it's sunny, and we're free, 

we take advantage by partaking in some poolside reading & studying.

and by that i of course mean napping. 

snapped this while driving to work the other day (not too safe).

i really do have a pretty commute. i'm thinking about video taping it or something, 

because it really is nice. 

and sometimes you just need to be really grateful about the little things 

that make you smile.  because even when i miss my friends, ross is here.

and when i miss my mom, she sends me a card in the mail.  

and when we're lonely, sad, or happy we have music. 

and when it rains we have blankets.

and when it's cloudy we know the sun is just waiting to come out,

to warm our skin again and kiss our cheeks. and because even when

 we feel hopeless we know that Jesus doesn't think so at all.

  and then life once again seems full and beautiful and precious. 

because it's all gift. even the hard parts. 

sic 'em

{spring 2007}

a few days ago, i recieved comment on a post inquiring about what it is i love(d) 

about baylor so very, very much (by the way- thanks for asking!).  

though lack of skill & eloquence prevents me from truly putting into words my experience, talking about it is one of my sweetest pleasures. 

i'm currently working on my response,

 and i'll promise to answer you as soon as i can formulate a decent description! 

ramble alert

"the best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up."

mark twain

and on that note, the best way to cheer anybody up is naturally through cookies.  chocolate chip, oatmeal, peanut butter, m&m cookies that is.  thanks to a beautiful cookbook wedding present from an even more beautiful friend, i've got gorgeous glossy pages to pour over which will inevitably inspire messes in our kitchen & happiness in our bellies. 

we brought some of these monster cookies to our young married's bible study last night, and everyone graciously indulged.  thankfully, we are slowly but surely gaining more & more friends to bake for. between coworkers, classmates, and a new church community, ross and i no longer have an excuse to split a whole batch between ourselves. unless they aren't good enough to share, of course...

anyway, one perk of working a job like mine is all the random days off.  since i worked all day saturday and sunday too, my weekend came on tuesday & wednesday this week.  i indulged in several of my vices, like baking (mostly so that i could snack on cookie dough), watching a whole disk of felicity (season 4-senior year, soo good), sleeping in, roaming through craft store isles, and {in the interest of honesty} playing on blogger. 

but free time here also offers a chance to escape into my newly discovered and already beloved world of jane ayre, study for the GRE, and spend quality time in my studio.  and by studio, i of course mean the floor...  

it's a big adjustment between my life now and the life i led at baylor the past 4 years.  every hour of the day was jam-packed with class, meetings, intramural games, bear trail dates, study parties, sing practices, picnics, service opporitunities, happy hours, and countless hours to bask in our community on our couches.  life was go, go, go all the time... those were the days.  but just like God taught me volumes while at Baylor, there is still much to learn through countless new means and methods. 

ross and i are thankfully very blessed with old and new friends here, but it's not like living on 10th street with 3 other girls & a million friends less than 5 minutes away. so even if i keep busy and set up lunch dates & dinner plans, my thoughts are what keep me company during the day. it's weird to be alone so much. to be still.  maybe i just need to pray for more courage to explore and open new doors.  in the words of my former pastor's benediction, to "go out into the world in peace, hold on to what is good. help the suffering, support the weak, honor everyone..." learning how to wait for God's plan to be revealed, but also have the boldness to seek and find it. 

i'm incredibly grateful that the other day at sbucks a girl had been in tune enough with the holy spirit to act upon what God was telling her to share with me.  her apparent dedication to Christ was beneficial to her because of how, at least in our interaction, she could share love with another child of God. 

 

"The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still." Exodus 14:14

so, in a very round about way, i guess i'm trying to get out of my head and start being a still, quiet listener of God; to try and get out of the way.  He had to go through a complete stranger at sbucks to get my attention and to finally calm my soul.  all the time i spent agonizing about my situation was time i could have been listening to His message on how to better love Ross, my neighbors, friends, and even strangers.  there are so many people are there to love & lift up, how can we waste time on worrying about ourselves?

what i'm really trying to say is: thank you to everyone for all your encouragement. especially to ross, who constantly tells me all the time how proud he is of me (for what, i do not know). the past few months have been incredibly full of transitions and question marks, but God is still good.  He has a plan for all of us, and i have a pretty good feeling that said plans include abundant encouragement. 

our weekend, in too many words

from the outside looking in, our weekend didn't look much like a rollercoaster at all.  but somewhere in between our date night, saturday afternoon run, pool time, an 8 hour saturday shift, church & a marathon of the west wing, this weekend was a pretty touch and go.

friday was very nice.  after ross woke me up from a lazy afternoon nap with three beautiful roses, we had another sweet date night which included a homemade version of our favorite sandwhich from a much missed waco restaurant: the george's southside chicken sandwhich. whole-wheat buns, grilled chicken, & homemade guacamole made this meal cheap, easy, healthy and good (even better than the real-deal!).  not to mention pretty. 

afterwards we saw julie & julia. ummmm a movie about blogging, france, food & love...pure joy. {ross even laughed out loud on more than one occasion} the true story showcases that hard work & determination necessary to pursuing your dreams and basically saving your own life, all the while putting your love and marriage first. and the question kept persisting in my head: what is my calling? why aren't i working towards it? what am i doing with my life?

so, saturday afternoon ross & i took advantage of the less hot weather and went for a run around the a&m campus...until i broke down crying. after complaining about nonsense ("i hate this campus! it's the ugliest thing i've ever seen! [which for the record- it really is) i finally opened up with ross & shared some of the pain i've been dealing with.  mostly, missing baylor & my amazing community there in conjunction with feeling lost & lonely.  so he held me & listened, and then prayed for me.  

once again, God answered our prayers and comforted us.  sunday we went back to grace bible church, and at one point in the message the preacher proclaimed: "i am my own worst enemy. everyday i wake up and all i think is me me me." how comforting to know i'm not the only one.

he later went on to talk about the importance of serving God's kingdom.  i was reminded of the fact that always seems to escape me when i'm swimming in self-pity: our purpose here on earth is to love and serve God and our neighbors, and to expand the kingdom here on earth. what else matters outside of that? no matter what job i have in whatever city, this one true calling will remain the same. 

when gratitude dissolves for the job He provided, i quickly become unhappy in my work.  but in many ways, it doesn't matter what our job is or where we live.  when i am intentional through His grace, i can see the impact He can have on people through the silly job of a not yet skilled barista.  the best part of work happens when a connection forms, fosters conversation, and produces a smile...a brief linking of souls in a ugly world, sharing for a small moment much needed joy and contact, all over a cup of coffee.  because it's not the coffee, it's Him.  

anyway, my main desire to write this post came from a poem that will not get out of my head for weeks.  robert frost's "mending wall," in which the neighbor keeps repeating the phrase, "good fences make good neighbors."  throughout this poem, frosts ironically depicts that relationships cannot be formed when the boundaries are the main focus.  

in a new city (filled with aggies, no less) i'm appreciating more and more the glimpses of vulnerability i see in others.  it's the only way for us to connect, to be neighbors, to be the body of Christ.  it's so comforting to know that we're all struggling, hurting, lost.  but were also persevering, comforting and seeking.  and we can't do it alone.  and we can't do it with fences. 

"rejoice alwasys; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of Christ Jesus for you." 1 thessalonians 5:16-18 

rain

it started raining a few minutes ago, so ross & i came out to our porch.  though there isn't much of 'a view,' there is a thick cluster of trees on the other side of the fence which guards our complex.  there's nothing like the breeze and smell that comes with the rain.  so natural, so refreshing.  the wind wisps hairs across my face & lighting tries to make us jump. there it goes again.

yesterday ross & i listened to a matt chandler sermon. he related the helplessness of babies to our present dependence on God.  a dependence he thoughtfully crafted and we try to ignore.  we fill ourselves up with clothes, hobbies, satisfaction from relationships or our jobs, but they all leave us empty.  if a newborn is left alone for just a couple of days, he will surely die.  he cannot survive on his own.  likewise, we are completely helpless and whether we acknowledge it or not, our souls scream out for His protection, teachings, comfort, love.

it's nice sitting out here while the raindrops clomp and splash all around us; the roof, the pavement, and the guardrail of our tiny porch.  books to read and chardonnay to melt on our tongues. especially with the view of the trees.  i love the way joyce kilmer so poetically expresses that "only God can make a tree."  but what i'm realizing now is not only is He alone the Creator, but He alone is the sustain-er of life: all life.  A fiercely beautiful and strong oak tree, crafted by Him, will wither away without the gift of life-giving rain.   there is no way for a tree to live without water.  

now maybe it's time to go run around in it. 

God & etsy

{via etsy}

i've been thinking about the message of these last two lovely posters a lot lately.

one reads:Your Dreams, Your Hopes, Your Desires/ Make it Happen.

the other: Because Everything is Relative/Choose Joy

two ideas which are continuously pressing into my soul, lingering in the back of my mind. 

firstly, 'making it happen' is not something i'm good at. but recently i'm realizing how very vital this is.  we can't just sit back and let life pass us by, taking the easy roads and the well-worn paths.  

since moving to college station, God has been laying certain messages very clearly & strongly upon my heart. the first is that i am exactly where He wants me to be.  though i am often envious that my three college roommates are called to live in kenya, spain, and south africa this year, my calling is here.  thankfully, God has given me confidence in this.  still, i would be lying if i said i wasn't jealous of their adventures. 

besides that comfort, the predominate message on my heart is two parts, and it grows louder everyday:

find your calling and pray for the boldness to chase after it. 

in other words, make it happen. while i lack vision & strength, He desires to empower me- if only I surrender myself.  and throughout this whole process, i must choose joy. because really, we have everything to be joyful about.  He is on our side, in control, and has a plan.  now, just have to find my place in it all.  

and sometimes God just wants you to live in aggieland.  

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  for everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." 

Matthew 7:7-8

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

who am i?

i've been a little m.i.a due to a broken computer, finals,

& the fact it's my last two weeks to live

here in paradise, aka waco.

i've been experiencing some role conflict lately, or at least

lots of different roles simultanously.

right now i'm a bachelorette, a student, soon-to-be graduate,

daughter, sister, friend, fiance, soon-to-be wife.

"Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weaking?...

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am thine."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

graduation is coming?

{from here}

graduation is coming.
i never understood why people celebrated on that day.
in fact, i would argue that people have parties
just to cover up the sadness.

one thing is for sure:
baylor bears are blessed beyond belief.
the other day someone told me that my life seemed like a fairy tale.
but the truth is, all of our lives are like fairy tales!
Jesus Christ died for us, forgave us of our sins, and wants to
dance with us in Heaven.
everything else in life is the lagniappe.

and a lucky few of us got to experience
a little bit of heaven on earth here at good ole BU.

yellow roses are my favorite

{from here}

it's one of those quiet, gray monday mornings. the sun decided to leave with the weekend and a drizzle contemplates entering the scene.

i'm feeling pensive this morning, thanks to the weather i'm sure. God's grace amazed me this past week in a new way. although i've been pushing my dear fiance away with the panic i'm feeling from all the changes swallowing my life, he stands steadfast in his love and committment. i love him for that, but moreso i love Christ who gave ross the strength to continue to stand by me. he even gave me yellow roses.

the sermon at church yesterday was about what exactly the church is. simply, the church is people. of course there will be corruption and discord within a church, it is made up of sinful people. while Christ waits for us with open arms and a perfect heart full of love, we push him away and run the opposite direction. this week i saw a glimpse of how a husband is called to love his wife- as christ loves the church. while i cause pain through my sin, ross continues to fight for me anyway, and forgive me before i even ask.

love is giving someone flowers when they least deserve it, and holding on to someone who tries to run away.

the bachelor is dead.

ahhhhh.

clearly we have an interest in love, and we are looking for it in all the wrong places. thankfully, everyone tuning in last night was fully disgusted with an exaggeration of the shows norms: empty promises and a selfish desire for who makes you happy at that moment. once the excitement produced by the show dies, so does the feelings the 'happy couple' once mistook to be love.

where is the love?

it's with this pretty lady. no wait, never mind, i think it was with that one. waaaiiitt a second, let me go back again.

maybe as a society we are finally realizing the problems with this behavior. at least jason was good for something.

discipline

it's funny how God seems to convict you & instill ideas in you through every aspect of daily life. like when you've been thinking about one thing, and on Sunday morning that's the very topic the preacher talks about- as if he's speaking directly to you from God.

lately, God has been challenging me again and again to exercise discipline. it's my last semester at college, and senoritis keeps creeping in. why study when i can just coast? why go to class when it's perfectly sunny outside? why workout when i can hang out? well, because we are called to live responsibly, which takes discipline.

"If you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom." James 3:13


this past sunday our premarital counseling class discussed finances. talk about discipline. ross & i calculated a budget based on an estimate of my future salary...scary but really good. times will be tight, but ross always reminds me that we don't need much and that we are not of this world. i agree, i just hope we can pay the bills! our class was so enlightening though because we looked at finances from a biblical perspective, which is not always my first instinct. for example, borrowing money is absolutely not biblical. verse after verse point out why we should not do this.

"owe nothing to anyone- except for your obligation to love one another. if you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God's law." Romans 13:8


which brings me to my biggest struggle with discipline of the week: ross and i are trying to figure out where we will live next year. with the market the way it is...it's so tempting to try to make buying a house work. whether or not we do, i am completely obsessed with our future home. not only am i fully addicted to design blogs and before-and-after pictures, but i can't stop researching terms, listings, forclosures, etc. the sooner we find a place, the sooner i can start planning how to decorate, right?



the truth is, today i am not in college station. i am still here in waco, a Baylor student involved in organizations, a community group, classes, and everything else associated with this season of life. while it's good to research, plan, and dream, i need to exercise discipline and live in the here and now.

"Look here, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business and make a profit.' How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, 'If they Lord wants us to, we wil live and do this or that.' Otherwise, you are boating about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil." James 4:13-16

i am very excited to see where the Lord puts us all in the next year. until then, i am praying for discipline to focus on today!

late resolutions still count

so much more fun like this.

yay 2009!

2009 is upon us!
We welcomed it well.
One thing about this year is certain: it will be a year of change.
fortunately, God has been working on my heart since high school
about embracing this main element of life
rather than fearing it.

changes
{as far as i know}:
a new president
with new policies.
college graduation.
a new city.
new friends {i hope!}
no more girl roommates...
but instead, a boy roommate:
a husband!
a new last name,
a new family.
new home.
no more classes,
but instead...a job?!

yes, this will be a year of change indeed.

new years

{from here}

the days in between christmas and new years are some of my favorite. still during the holiday season, there are many tasty treats and delicious meals to enjoy. with a new year and its respective resolutions just around the corner, i adopt the mentality of, "i only have a few days left to eat like this." so i indulge.

but even sweeter than taking in a few extra calories here and there is the way we take stock of the past year. a year of our lives is almost over, and a new one is about to begin. what did we do right? what did we do wrong? what did we do?

i'm so grateful that God gives us this fresh start. we make plans to do this, change this, start doing this, and sometimes our resolutions stick. most of them dwindle, but either way, our souls are stirred and we are confident in change.

{from here}

yes, i plan to eat healthier and work out almost everyday. afterall, i have a wedding and the "LGN" diet as motivation. but more importantly, especially in the season of life that im in (engaged), i am reminded that my life is not about me. therefore, shouldn't our new years resolutions be focused on others? more specifically, on how we treat others.

like anything good in life, satan tries to creep in and ruin it. true love is so good, and so is being engaged. it's the best. but satan gets into my head and temps me to focus purely on myself and my parties and wanting attention on me. sick.

i hope i can be a better friend and servant this year, as we are all called to be. man, im grateful for a fresh start with a new year...even though Jesus gives us one every single day.

life motto

"if everyone had a puppy- there would be no war"
-my dear friend j.lew
how true is that?

this afternoon as i lounged on the couch
reading a book for history,
one puppy resting on my leg,
the other by my head.
as i let him chew my finger
he snorted softly
and my eyes watered as i looked into the
tiny, brown, innocent windows into his soul
{yes- dogs have souls}
completely overcome with love.

we are capable of so much love;
that's what life is about, after all.
i hope to experience this much love everyday
for Jesus, my family, friends, neighbors, school, work...

puppies have a way of stirring the soul.

aka: thanksgiving break

surprise bundles of joy.
a celebration feast.
early morning sweating.
new additions to traditions.
an elegant affair.
speechless.

{aka}

two sweet & playful foster puppies
{everyone fell in LOVE}
a birthday dinner for a friend
{my oldest one, in fact}
our 3rd annual turkey trot
{my faithful boyfriend ran too!}
turkey made by my uncles girlfriend & her mother
{it's hard, but i love how families expand and endure}
my cousins debutant ball
{dancing the night away with cousins
in fabulous baton rouge}
also, i've completely lost my voice...
all the more reason get into extreme study mode.
or blog, hehe

thanksgiving break, i'm thankful for you and the many adventures & quiet times to always seem to hold. you're wonderful.

the color red.

it's the end of a long weekend and i feel a bit run down. my red-hot sore throat and the [idea of] cold weather make me want some comforting red tomato soup.

soup sounds good for another reason, too: at the start of nearly every week i think to myself, "ok, katie, it's time to get in shape now." good thing it's thanksgiving week. o well, the diet can start next sunday, right? haha

but i wont remember these little thoughts. i will forever associate this weekend with the color red for another reason: it marked the marriage of my beautiful friend katie and the love of her life, ben.



she could not have been a calmer, more at peace bride and it was an honor to stand by her side!

strawberry swing

in the midst of the swaying euphoric crowd
swimming in the cords and rhythms of coldplay
i couldn't help but to feel

that any time i spend
not growing, not searching, not creating
is time wasted.

and if we aren't exploring our potential
we need to at least relish in those around us,
especially the ones we love.

after all, in the words of chris martin
"now the sky could be blue
i don't mind
without you it's a waste of time."