ramble alert

"the best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up."

mark twain

and on that note, the best way to cheer anybody up is naturally through cookies.  chocolate chip, oatmeal, peanut butter, m&m cookies that is.  thanks to a beautiful cookbook wedding present from an even more beautiful friend, i've got gorgeous glossy pages to pour over which will inevitably inspire messes in our kitchen & happiness in our bellies. 

we brought some of these monster cookies to our young married's bible study last night, and everyone graciously indulged.  thankfully, we are slowly but surely gaining more & more friends to bake for. between coworkers, classmates, and a new church community, ross and i no longer have an excuse to split a whole batch between ourselves. unless they aren't good enough to share, of course...

anyway, one perk of working a job like mine is all the random days off.  since i worked all day saturday and sunday too, my weekend came on tuesday & wednesday this week.  i indulged in several of my vices, like baking (mostly so that i could snack on cookie dough), watching a whole disk of felicity (season 4-senior year, soo good), sleeping in, roaming through craft store isles, and {in the interest of honesty} playing on blogger. 

but free time here also offers a chance to escape into my newly discovered and already beloved world of jane ayre, study for the GRE, and spend quality time in my studio.  and by studio, i of course mean the floor...  

it's a big adjustment between my life now and the life i led at baylor the past 4 years.  every hour of the day was jam-packed with class, meetings, intramural games, bear trail dates, study parties, sing practices, picnics, service opporitunities, happy hours, and countless hours to bask in our community on our couches.  life was go, go, go all the time... those were the days.  but just like God taught me volumes while at Baylor, there is still much to learn through countless new means and methods. 

ross and i are thankfully very blessed with old and new friends here, but it's not like living on 10th street with 3 other girls & a million friends less than 5 minutes away. so even if i keep busy and set up lunch dates & dinner plans, my thoughts are what keep me company during the day. it's weird to be alone so much. to be still.  maybe i just need to pray for more courage to explore and open new doors.  in the words of my former pastor's benediction, to "go out into the world in peace, hold on to what is good. help the suffering, support the weak, honor everyone..." learning how to wait for God's plan to be revealed, but also have the boldness to seek and find it. 

i'm incredibly grateful that the other day at sbucks a girl had been in tune enough with the holy spirit to act upon what God was telling her to share with me.  her apparent dedication to Christ was beneficial to her because of how, at least in our interaction, she could share love with another child of God. 

 

"The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still." Exodus 14:14

so, in a very round about way, i guess i'm trying to get out of my head and start being a still, quiet listener of God; to try and get out of the way.  He had to go through a complete stranger at sbucks to get my attention and to finally calm my soul.  all the time i spent agonizing about my situation was time i could have been listening to His message on how to better love Ross, my neighbors, friends, and even strangers.  there are so many people are there to love & lift up, how can we waste time on worrying about ourselves?

what i'm really trying to say is: thank you to everyone for all your encouragement. especially to ross, who constantly tells me all the time how proud he is of me (for what, i do not know). the past few months have been incredibly full of transitions and question marks, but God is still good.  He has a plan for all of us, and i have a pretty good feeling that said plans include abundant encouragement. 

our weekend, in too many words

from the outside looking in, our weekend didn't look much like a rollercoaster at all.  but somewhere in between our date night, saturday afternoon run, pool time, an 8 hour saturday shift, church & a marathon of the west wing, this weekend was a pretty touch and go.

friday was very nice.  after ross woke me up from a lazy afternoon nap with three beautiful roses, we had another sweet date night which included a homemade version of our favorite sandwhich from a much missed waco restaurant: the george's southside chicken sandwhich. whole-wheat buns, grilled chicken, & homemade guacamole made this meal cheap, easy, healthy and good (even better than the real-deal!).  not to mention pretty. 

afterwards we saw julie & julia. ummmm a movie about blogging, france, food & love...pure joy. {ross even laughed out loud on more than one occasion} the true story showcases that hard work & determination necessary to pursuing your dreams and basically saving your own life, all the while putting your love and marriage first. and the question kept persisting in my head: what is my calling? why aren't i working towards it? what am i doing with my life?

so, saturday afternoon ross & i took advantage of the less hot weather and went for a run around the a&m campus...until i broke down crying. after complaining about nonsense ("i hate this campus! it's the ugliest thing i've ever seen! [which for the record- it really is) i finally opened up with ross & shared some of the pain i've been dealing with.  mostly, missing baylor & my amazing community there in conjunction with feeling lost & lonely.  so he held me & listened, and then prayed for me.  

once again, God answered our prayers and comforted us.  sunday we went back to grace bible church, and at one point in the message the preacher proclaimed: "i am my own worst enemy. everyday i wake up and all i think is me me me." how comforting to know i'm not the only one.

he later went on to talk about the importance of serving God's kingdom.  i was reminded of the fact that always seems to escape me when i'm swimming in self-pity: our purpose here on earth is to love and serve God and our neighbors, and to expand the kingdom here on earth. what else matters outside of that? no matter what job i have in whatever city, this one true calling will remain the same. 

when gratitude dissolves for the job He provided, i quickly become unhappy in my work.  but in many ways, it doesn't matter what our job is or where we live.  when i am intentional through His grace, i can see the impact He can have on people through the silly job of a not yet skilled barista.  the best part of work happens when a connection forms, fosters conversation, and produces a smile...a brief linking of souls in a ugly world, sharing for a small moment much needed joy and contact, all over a cup of coffee.  because it's not the coffee, it's Him.  

anyway, my main desire to write this post came from a poem that will not get out of my head for weeks.  robert frost's "mending wall," in which the neighbor keeps repeating the phrase, "good fences make good neighbors."  throughout this poem, frosts ironically depicts that relationships cannot be formed when the boundaries are the main focus.  

in a new city (filled with aggies, no less) i'm appreciating more and more the glimpses of vulnerability i see in others.  it's the only way for us to connect, to be neighbors, to be the body of Christ.  it's so comforting to know that we're all struggling, hurting, lost.  but were also persevering, comforting and seeking.  and we can't do it alone.  and we can't do it with fences. 

"rejoice alwasys; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of Christ Jesus for you." 1 thessalonians 5:16-18 

my diva

i got to talk to my big today. it was a really good talk. she had a dream about me the other night, and called to tell me that in her dream she read this verse to me. it's such a peaceful feeling to know that people are praying for you, and to see when God speaks through them to you. no matter what phase of life we are in, God is always our keeper and protector.

Psalm 121 {The Message}

^1-2 I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

^3-4 He won't let you stumble,
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.

^5-6 God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.

^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.

colossians 1:27

And this is the secret:
Christ lives in you.
This gives you assurance
of sharing his glory.

discipline

it's funny how God seems to convict you & instill ideas in you through every aspect of daily life. like when you've been thinking about one thing, and on Sunday morning that's the very topic the preacher talks about- as if he's speaking directly to you from God.

lately, God has been challenging me again and again to exercise discipline. it's my last semester at college, and senoritis keeps creeping in. why study when i can just coast? why go to class when it's perfectly sunny outside? why workout when i can hang out? well, because we are called to live responsibly, which takes discipline.

"If you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom." James 3:13


this past sunday our premarital counseling class discussed finances. talk about discipline. ross & i calculated a budget based on an estimate of my future salary...scary but really good. times will be tight, but ross always reminds me that we don't need much and that we are not of this world. i agree, i just hope we can pay the bills! our class was so enlightening though because we looked at finances from a biblical perspective, which is not always my first instinct. for example, borrowing money is absolutely not biblical. verse after verse point out why we should not do this.

"owe nothing to anyone- except for your obligation to love one another. if you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God's law." Romans 13:8


which brings me to my biggest struggle with discipline of the week: ross and i are trying to figure out where we will live next year. with the market the way it is...it's so tempting to try to make buying a house work. whether or not we do, i am completely obsessed with our future home. not only am i fully addicted to design blogs and before-and-after pictures, but i can't stop researching terms, listings, forclosures, etc. the sooner we find a place, the sooner i can start planning how to decorate, right?



the truth is, today i am not in college station. i am still here in waco, a Baylor student involved in organizations, a community group, classes, and everything else associated with this season of life. while it's good to research, plan, and dream, i need to exercise discipline and live in the here and now.

"Look here, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business and make a profit.' How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, 'If they Lord wants us to, we wil live and do this or that.' Otherwise, you are boating about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil." James 4:13-16

i am very excited to see where the Lord puts us all in the next year. until then, i am praying for discipline to focus on today!

valentines pt. 2 & 3

definitely the best valentines day weekend of all time.
we kicked it off with our "let's wine about valentines day" party. obviously, i don't believe there is anything to whine about- but i'm all for wine parties and puns.
{side note: hosting a party is one of the most humbling activities... the first hour or so my roommates and i looked around and thought to ourselves, 'i thought people liked us...we just need one friend to come over...' turns out we do have friends, thank the Lord. they just all happen to like to be fashionably late}
i'm also pretty proud of our decorations:



ross went above & beyond as usual. he spent all evening on an incredible dinner. he didn't even let me help. our one and only 'engaged valentines day' could not have been more special.



one of the best parts of this weekend (which is saying a lot) was our premarital counseling class. we discussed roles & responsibilities of the husband & wife in a marriage. i don't know what life is like without the Bible as a guide and Christ as a role model. obviously, i fail all.the.time at trying to die to self and live like Christ calls us to, but that is the most exciting and daunting parts of marriage: you have to die to self in order to fully love and live!

"Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."

Ephesians 5:21-28

breath of fresh air

ross and i were talking the other day about how crazy the whole wedding planning process is.
countless hours are spent searching, thinking, planning, budgeting, changing the plan, etc...
...all for one day.

what would it be like for us to spend HALF that amount of time praying for our marriage, our future, and for God to refine our hearts. how did we get to spent so much on one day?

thankfully, wedding planning really hasn't been stressful- it's been fun. we got a lot done this weekend, but the best part was that we started our premarital counseling class! it was like a breath of fresh air. a cute married couple in their early thirties teaches the class, and two other couples are in there with us. this is by far the most exciting part of the engagement period.

one of the first verses we read in the introduction to the course is:
"By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established, through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." proverbs 24:3-4

this class is already water to my soul.

spring 2009

{found here}

'Spring 2009'
6 a.m. tomorrow,
for the last time
i register for classes
at Baylor.

'May 2009'
ever lurking
with vigilant watch,
quietly waiting, waiting
to pounce.



the jigs up.
you don't scare me.
i'm ready

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:26-25